When you have your first panic attack in over a year.

WHAT THE FUCK, guys.

Actually, I know what the fuck. It’s the start of a new semester at school, and changes have been made. In addition to the craziness of last semester, I now have a whole other class (read, whole other curriculum to plan) to help students recoup their credit if they missed it last year. We’ve changed around sections so now I have classes of 34 instead of 24. There are many other things that have happened. I have a lot of mixed feelings and as a result, every night from about 2am onward I’ve been waking up every 15-30 minutes. Doing yoga didn’t help. My accupressure spikes didn’t help. Eating my feelings via a double burger from Shake Shack didn’t help.

So, this morning, I went to cuddle the dude and the dog goodbye like I do, and started crying. I didn’t stop until almost an hour later when I was able to sit down at my desk and actually start working. Fortunately it was way more mild than they’ve been in the past and I didn’t have to really deal with nausea or depersonalization. I’ve always maintained that you’re not a true New Yorker until you’ve cried on the subway. I’ve filled that quota dozens of times over, but today felt especially rough.

Suffice to say that I’ll probably be posting sporadically, if at all, because if I’m honest I feel like I’m drowning in work and the best I can do is tread water.

I really appreciate you all and the support that you give to me and to others in your lives; thank you for understanding.

Don’t worry, though:

giphy1

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One thought on “When you have your first panic attack in over a year.

  1. Pingback: On saying yes – it's only fear

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