So, I'm back at work. I'll be honest. There was a good hour this morning where I seriously thought about not going in; but I'm trying to practice some of the things I've been learning in therapy and through reading Don't Panic, part of which is being intentional with the way you talk to yourself. My … Continue reading Talking to my anxiety
Sometimes letting people see you be broken is the best thing you can do.
I ended my post yesterday with that, and I've been thinking about it ever since. During one of my many cries yesterday, I was on the phone with the dude, who is basically the best person ever, my best friend, and my absolute favorite. I was telling him about my day and about my students … Continue reading Sometimes letting people see you be broken is the best thing you can do.
A terrible horrible no good very bad day
Awful. Awful, awful awful. When I woke up this morning, I thought, hmm. Still anxious, but less. Maybe today will be ok. Fast forward a few hours to lunchtime when two of my students walked in on me sobbing at my desk, and then a few hours later to me leaving work early, which is something … Continue reading A terrible horrible no good very bad day
An open letter
Dear person in my life, It's possible that I've shared with you what's going on with me. It's more likely that I haven't. I want to be clear that this isn't because I don't trust you or we're not as close as you thought we were; it has nothing to do with you. I didn't … Continue reading An open letter
Tools that have helped me
First, let me say that I am still very much in the process of figuring my anxiety out and finding the best tools to manage it. I've discovered some things, but I'm still working on the deeper issues and that will continue to take some time. That being said, I think it's important to share … Continue reading Tools that have helped me
Self-care and perception
Anxiety does crazy things to your perception; not only of time, but of events, people, meaning - everything. The dude is in Florida visiting his parents, and it's just me and the dog. Which is awesome because that means I get to cuddle with her a ton and I can stretch out in bed. It … Continue reading Self-care and perception
The Beginning
I'm sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the tub, sobbing as quietly as possible. I've been up since 5am, alternately dry heaving - because I haven't been able to eat - and pressing my palms into my eyes, knees curled to my chin. The first couple of times, I tried to go back to … Continue reading The Beginning
it's only fear 