Spring cleaning

Let’s just take a second and talk about how amazing sleep is. SERIOUSLY. I slept a lot last night and I feel way, way better.

In therapy yesterday, we were talking about how the last couple of days have been and I was saying that I’m glad that the bad days are better and how in some ways I’m thankful for my anxiety. My therapist encouraged me in that line of thinking and said she thought it was great, and then she said to me I’m wondering about the other side of this, though. I hear you reframing and making space for the anxiety, and that’s great. But I’m also wondering if you’re feeling any anger or frustration, because you don’t mention that much. I was floored, because she’s so astute, and because I was angry, and even though it was subtle, she could read it in my voice. We talked about that for a while about how it’s ok to be angry, and it was nice to have the space to be mad about this thing that’s happening to me and to whine and feel like it’s unfair.

After we finished that part of our conversation, we started talking about all of the work I’ve been doing to manage the anxiety. She asked if there was anything about our sessions that maybe I was frustrated with or unhappy with. I’m totally happy with the work we’re doing and told her so, but it was just so awesome that she asked for feedback.

It got me thinking: I’ve been doing SO much work, and this week was the first time that I got to see the real, hefty benefits of it. I feel the little things every day – generally happier, my biceps are like actually biceps, etc – but seeing how drastically different my experience with anxiety over the last two days was with the way it’s been in the past really encouraged me to keep at it. So in the spirit of thinking about how the experience of anxiety has changed with all of the work I’ve been doing, I want to take a look at my management strategy, pare out some of the things that I’m not doing or that aren’t helpful, add some new ones, and generally just recommit to it.

 

What I do that’s helpful that I’m going to keep doing

  • yoga on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays
  • weightlifting and cardio (guys I GO THE THE GYM NOW) on Sunday and Wednesday
  • Blogging
  • Meditation during my lunch break
  • Taking an anti-nausea pill if I need to
  • Canceling plans if I need to
  • Talking to the bird, the dude, and my sister regularly
  • Therapy
  • Reading books and watching TED talks about anxiety, vulnerability, and panic

 

What I want to add or change

  • Yoga outside! I’ve never done it before but there are some good, secluded spots in riverside park if I want to do it on my own, and there’s also a weekend class in sheep’s meadow that looks cool.
  • Go to the park for some alone time
  • Hang out with my sister and her kid (when the kid gets here)
  • Work on making plans with friends more often, and be honest if it’s getting to be too much for me and I need to cut our time together short

 

Now that I see this all written out, it’s crazy to me that so much of my daily life goes into managing this. But I’m also really glad that it doesn’t feel that way; it feels more like I’ve made some lifestyle/routine changes, not like I’m beholden to my anxiety or afraid of what will happen if I don’t manage it. I’m going to try my best to incorporate the new stuff into my routine, so if you want to come hang out in the park with me or do yoga with me, please get in touch.

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